How Do You Know its Okay?

I am viewing myself as "non-relationship material"  at this time.  It's not that I don't want a relationship again in the future, but at this moment, the timing is not now. I wouldn't mind having a few dates here and there, but nothing serious.  However, even that seems like a fantasy because I haven't even had the opportunity to turn anyone down.  What an ego buster.  I have been out on the town with girlfriends but I  am so confused as to how the game is played nowadays.   One of my friends told me I need a relationship coach.  What the hell is a relationship coach? I am concerned that I will go back to ingrained, lifelong habits of behavior when it comes to men.  I should be concerned, one of the reasons I left, was I couldn't stand up for myself in my marriage to change the old pattern of behavior.  I had to leave in order to change.  I was married a long time.  I started dating him when I was 17.  I didn't know myself and patterned myself after what he wanted.  I would say I had, and still do have...."Daddy Issues".  It explains a lot, but  this is another blog all together. 
Last night I went out with friends.  I had a terrible time, well maybe not terrible, but awkward.  I felt so uncomfortable in a club setting where it was a mostly single crowd, mingling and eyeballing each other from across the room.  I can't even figure out what to do with my arms to adjust my body language to look open and inviting, let alone figure out what to wear that says "Classy not trashy."  When I shop for clothes now, I find myself bewildered at what to buy for night out on the town.  I've always felt pretty confident, but last night knocked my confidence level down a notch.    I hate the term "Cougar".  It seems so....desperate and horrible at all once.   Yet, the clubs are filled with women, "my age", cougars, with that wild, desperate look in their eyes of trying to 'catch' a man.  Ugh...
You can't really talk to someone because the music is so loud and by the time most of the men work up the courage to come talk to you, they are hammered.  It's a great study in human behavior.  When I wasn't shivering my ass off huddled under a heat lamp, I was busy thwarting the attempts of horny middle age men trying to "charm" me with their slurring, alcohol scented lines of the night.  I was actually proposed to by a short, bald, Middle Eastern guy, who thought by telling me he wasn't into 'trading up', I would be impressed.  Yeah, he is going to stick to the mid-size clunker.  Truthfully, I don't think he could trade up anyway, unless he was filthy rich and had cancer...Geez...what a way to win a girl over.  Another guy, short, and hispanic, leered at me and yelled in my ear, that I was "pretty... for a girl".  WTF?  Maybe I'm too harsh.  I have nothing against race or skin color and truly love darker complected men, but, why is it every man that makes a pass at me is named either 'Juan' or 'Ahmed'?  Young men have hit on me, but I'm not sure I want to be someones "older woman" fantasy.  I'm not into tutoring.  What is the age limit I should set for myself?  My friend Stacy says to quit worrying about age and just enjoy the attention and go with it.  I get that, but I don't want to have a ton of multiple partners for the sake of having sex and I know I would never even think of settling down with someone who can't remember when Mt. St. Helens blew because they weren't even born yet.  On the other hand, I don't want to be with an old man either.  I want a man that's not too reliant on Viagra (not that there's anything wrong with that) but also, one that can go a few rounds..you know, not the one that has "one in him" then rolls over and snore the rest of the night.  Been there done that.
It's all so confusing.  Used to be, you would be concerned about taking someone home to meet the parents...now I worry about taking someone home to meet the kids. My kids are grown and getting married, but I want them to at least like and approve of who I finally decide to introduce to them.  I could take a young lover, but I would have to keep him chained up in the bedroom, allowing him out only to play, but I can't introduce him to my kids.  I think it's a given that most kids don't want to acknowledge that their parents ever had sex, but if mom was dating a younger man...it would be somewhat obvious,  I think.
The best parts of being single are deciding you can eat popcorn for breakfast, ice cream for dinner, or go day drinking on a Sunday and not feel guilty.   I want the man that lets me do all that and still be okay with going to his own place to sleep in his own bed.   I am not ready to 'sleep' in the same bed with someone again, but having arms hold me close, kissing, in that slow, langourous, way that turns hungry and needy, God, that I miss.  That, I want again.   
How will I know when it's okay to date again?  I think you never make the decision.  I think the decision is made for you.  It just happens when you meet someone and the chemistry clicks, whether it is just sexual energy or soul mate material.  I need to let go and not think about it.  Meanwhile, I think I will give up on the club scene for the time being and just live...enjoy the people I'm meeting, and wait for fate, or destiny, or what ever we choose to call it...happen.    Well... maybe a relationship coach isn't such a bad idea, after all, I have plenty of time to practice that's for sure.