Preparation...

Two days ago I joined a new gym.  My old gym just seemed so....tired.  I'm not really a gym rat as much as I love to be outside and workout.  Running, walking, kayaking, hiking...I love being outside.  After being here a few months now, I have neglected my body.  I've lost the wrong kind of weight and have allowed myself to get a little...floppy.

So, in conjunction with everyone else in the month of January, I joined a gym and decided to try and get lean and fit again.  I met with a fitness trainer to have an assessment of my current state of affairs.  Ugh...yes, my weight is down, but my body fat percentage is up higher than it's ever been. I'm blaming it on the alcohol. My habit of loving Bailey's in my coffee every morning. 

The fitness trainer asked me some detailed questions about my lifestyle, my goals, my reasons for..."why now?" The first answer that came to mind for me?  I haven't had to worry about getting naked for a while.   I'm a little worried now. So, how did I answer?  Exactly that.  Either get fit or get naked in the dark.

There are so many choices these days for looking good.  Last night a friend was telling me she was on the HGH diet.  She didn't look like she needed to lose an ounce.  I've been told I look great, and I will agree that for my age, I'm not too shabby.  With clothes on.  I may be my own worst critic but, the man I got naked with for all those married years probably never noticed the subtle changes that took place slowly over the years.  Anyone new that comes into my life, will see the "antiquated" version.  It's very depressing.

I am on a mission to figure out what needs a tune up, what needs replaced and what needs a complete overhaul.
There are many "en Vogue" trends I see that are the new requirements for women.  The possibilities are endless and depending on which ones need continual maintainence...expensive.  Men are faced with an unlimited amount of eye candy in this ever growing populace of divorced women roaming the bars at night.  The more well-to-do ones have had complete engine overhauls.  The not-so-fortunate ones are either giving up or making do with what they can afford.  I fall into the second category.

I seem to be spending an enormous amount of thought about dating and having sex again.  I want to be ready emotionally and physically.  Working out takes care of the physical, outward aspect, but again, it doesn't come overnight.  I spent an hour trying to cajole the trainer into telling me news I wanted to hear instead of the gritty, bare truth:  Pain is gain.

The emotional part is harder.  I've already wrote about wondering when you know if you're ready.   I Already decided that you don't know until the opportunity presents itself.  Now I sit and wonder, when will the opportunity present itself?  I've met lots of men.  I've only found one I even like. The rest just seem...lecherous. Needy. Clingy.  Most men love the idea of a sex partner without strings.  Since that seems to be the driving force of men anyway, it really comes as no surprise, but as a woman, it is really hard to connect those dots.  The one man I found to be respectful and not pushy, I wonder, is there is sexual chemistry? Or is it classified and filed in the friendship category?  

I find myself longing to find that one person I connect with.  Is it possible to have sexual chemistry, and I mean  real passion... and still connect on a deeper emotional level as well?  I am a romantic, so I tend to believe it can, but since passion can be confused with love, I analyze the whole love versus lust thing, at least once a day.  Or a hundred.  Can passion last, once the newness of a relationship wears off?  Will the everyday living of our lives, the taking each other for granted just be a repeat performance for me if I lose interest in hanging in there for the long run?  Can I break old patterns and find the partner that is "soul mate" material?  Are there really soul mates?  Is there such a thing as destiny and fate?  Why is the sky blue?  Why is the Earth round?  I mean seriously...why am I spending so much time thinking about this?

I lecture myself daily too.  I tell myself to just stop.  Stop thinking and just live.  Breathe.  Quit thinking about when and live in the now...

Which brings me back to the preparation part.  The expensive part.  The reason I bring this up again, is because in all my contemplation of meeting someone at some point, I continue to think about being naked again. And because we are all adults now, I can address the sex issue without the guilt that comes with youth. If I meet someone and feel it, I'm going to have sex. But, nowadays, how how many dates first?  How do you know if it's going to be good?   I've asked all my single friends, what is the general rule about dating and sex?  I've had a variety of answers.  In one discussion, the general consensus was:  Not on the first date, but if you don't feel like pouncing on them after the first date, it's not going to happen...ever.  Or if it does and there is no fireworks...Awkward...

Others have said the general rule is 4-5 dates. I've had two official dates, and so far... no feelings of wanting to rip someone's clothes off. Again, here I am in the lecture portion to myself...just let it be Tam.

My real question lies in how ready should I be?  Do I buy sexy, hot lingerie with the thought that maybe the next man I meet will be the one?  Have it ready, just in case?  Do I wear the good underwear or,  (Women, I know you get this part) the period underwear?   Do I shave my legs today?  Do I need botox...again? The latest trend en vogue is waxing south of the border.  The trouble with this is the pain involved.  And the cost.  It ain't cheap.  I used to get this done for free back at my old salon.  I like this new trend of no hair on the region of the 'gine.  Let's face it, 80's porn bushes went out in the 90's...The problem with waxing is, it can only be done about every four weeks.  In the meantime, when you are due for your next appointment and you are this age, you look down and feel like you are looking at an old man's whiskery chin.  There's a visual for you.

I recently found a new waxer in Phoenix I really like.  She is quick, efficient and almost painless.  Almost.  After this last waxing, I felt like I'd been sexually assaulted.  She moved junk around I didn't know I had.  I was impressed with her ability to carry on a normal conversation while she fumbled about "down there".  I was impressed with my ability to answer her.  

So the question again bears repeating...How much prep work needs to be done beforehand, and how much can wait until later...?  On the waxing, I keep thinking the smart thing to do would be wait...I got at least one date before I get the pounce on, and 4-5 dates to actually pounce. In the meantime, the code word is trim.
The lingerie?  Same thing...the period underwear versus the good underwear?  Remember what your mama always told you about your underwear.  Shaving my legs?  Just do it, you are already in the shower. 

Which brings me back full circle to the gym...Rome wasn't built in a day, but damn it, I'm getting ready.