I can do this....

Every day that I have been unemployed in a new city, I have to look for things to do that are constructive.  I have a routine and stick to it.  I wake up every morning, punch the coffee and take my dog for a walk.  I get home, pour myself a cup with a generous pour of Baileys and sit down at my computer and try to find something clever to say on facebook.  Check out my horoscope, and go to Craigslist to look for new job postings....  I never realized how difficult it would be to find work as a hairdresser in a new city.  I have walked into over a dozen salons, applied for positions online, even taking a position I thought was perfect and realized it wasn't.  That lasted a day.  Seems that a middle-aged woman in the beauty industry isn't a very valuable commodity.  My experience and maturity in a world of vanity and shallowness is better suited to the younger, self-absorbed twenty somethings.  As a former owner/employer of a successful business, I try to remember what I was looking for in a new hire.  Looks were important.  I wanted a certain look to represent my business.  What they wore to the interview; if they wore blue jeans, it was an automatic "no".  If they were heavy, I classified them as possibly lazy.    Their resume told me their age based on the year they graduated from high school.  I only wanted "older" hairdressers if their look was right.  Most were not, as the longevity of a hairdresser is around 5 years.  I quit the business for a year, vowing never to go back.  Finding myself in the middle of a divorce, bored and waiting for state residency so I can go to school, I can't wait to go back.  But now, no one wants to hire me for the same reasons I didn't want to hire someone.  Except that, I'm not heavy, I dress well and I look younger than my age, but the resume gives me away with the year I graduated.  I get classified as the "older" washed up hairdresser.  Sigh......
Every day I give myself a pep talk just to get out of bed.  It usually starts with, "Bob needs to pee, so get out of bed."  After I complete my morning ritual, I try to talk myself into a run.  Sometimes it works, sometimes not.  Lately, not so much.  Around 11 o'clock I take a shower.  If I take my time, this can eat up about 2 hours, but usually just an hour and a half.  Another walking of the dog and I'm ready to face my day.  Pathetic huh?  I have been working on furnishing my condo,  and for the first two weeks here it was a great motivator.  Now I'm trying to find things to do that don't involve large amounts of cash, like shopping or drinking and partying with friends.  I started to cook more.  This in itself was a huge deal, because I hate cooking.  I find that a trip to the car wash is a big outing.  The grocery store, an event.  I joined a runner's group to help me stay committed to a work out.

The days that my ex and I speak, turn into days when I can't leave the house.  I remain faithful to the anti-depressants until I get through this.  I have been told I am on Facebook a lot.  You would be too if that was the highlight of your day.  I play a game on my phone called "Words with Friends" and am excited when someone I'm playing, plays a word.  Now I'm writing this blog.  I know this is sounding like a plug for sympathy, but really, I'm just viewing it as a temporary state of being.
I am loving the new friends I am making and trying to become a person of more substance.  I based my entire last ten years on the shallowness of the beauty industry, telling people things they wanted to hear and kissing ass, burning myself out...  Now I'm ready to do it again, but, now the industry has turned itself on me.  Maybe I need to post a listing on Craigslist that reads:  "Middle-aged hairdresser looking for work.  Won't gossip about your clients, won't engage in petty discussions or create drama, great work ethic, responsible...looks remarkable for her age. " I could attach my avatar cartoon picture with it.
I would like to start dating, but I know that until the divorce is final, it's complicated.  Being single is  tricky and lonely.  Most days I'm good, some days not so much.  The days that are hard,  I question myself and doubt.  The days that are good, are really, really good, and I feel confident in my decision.  I've met good people, made good connections and tell myself...I can do this.  In the meantime, anyone need a haircut?