Can I Be Frank?

I have thought a lot about what I wanted to write about next.  Sex is always a great subject, and my readers may think I'm a bit obsessed with the topic, but it is just so fascinating!   Think of what risks people take just to get laid... Kingdoms abdicated, presidents impeached...plus, I'm not getting much these days, so that could explain a lot.   Dating is also an entertaining subject as well, and there is still so much to say about that topic, but I've reached a point where I'm just going to sound like an angry feminist on that one now.  Still, I've figured out a few things recently in regard to both of those subjects, but for today I'm going right into sex.  So can I be frank?

I've thought about writing about sex in a way that would lend itself to great discussion.  Specifically, about sex and aging.  I think about that, well, because I am aging.  I talk about sex a lot because I believe with all my heart that it is the key to true emotional intimacy in a loving, committed relationship.

I went to a wedding this past weekend.  I was a guest of a friend who knew both the bride and groom. 
It was an interesting ceremony.  Unlike anything I've witnessed before, but then, I had to think about the ages of the bride and groom.  I'm not sure if it was a first time marriage for the groom, but I heard it was for the bride.  She radiated happiness.  She was 44.  I guess she knew what she was doing.  At 44, I think you know who you are and what you want.  It's the young ones that get married that I want to protest when the priest says..."If anyone here objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace..."  How come no one ever speaks now?  I don't.  I just think to myself...'suckers...

At any rate, that is not what I'm speaking about now.  I had the opportunity to meet two very delightful couples that sat at our table.  They were obviously older than me, somewhat older than my parents, but both couples, very youthful in appearance and in life.  I watched them interact with each other.  I watched how they laughed and enjoyed each other.  Both couples had been previously married.  Out of the four of them, at least two had been married multiple times.  No one was married now,  they were... 'living in sin'.

What I find very interesting about this particular generation, my dad's generation, (plus maybe a few years), are the social stigmas that no longer exist for them. The ones that existed when they were young.  Let me explain...When my mother and father got married, she was pregnant.  They had to get married.  They couldn't live together, grow up a little and decide whether they should get married.  Even if they hadn't been pregnant, they couldn't live together.  That wasn't the social norm of the day.  You either got married, or my mom was an unwed mother with a big scarlet letter on her chest.  Oh, couples were still  having sex as singles alright, but you either got caught or you didn't.  It wasn't acceptable to be having unmarried sex. Obviously, not the case now.

So in just 40 years or so, things have drastically changed.  These couples are not only living together, but in all likelihood, having sex.  Even now.  Haven't we all thought at one time or another, that our grandparents could not possibly have been having sex at their age... could they?...Ewww.....!  But not only did they, but they probably did right up until they were dying and absolutely couldn't. There was a study recently that STD's in nursing homes were on the rise.  Someone's getting some....
I take my hat off and bow down to them.  Having reached my middle years, I not only still want to have sex, I want to have a lot of it, when I meet the right person, of course.  Thank god for Viagra.

So, back to these two couples.  One couple, were clearly in a new love relationship.  Unmarried, and happy to be that way.  Living together.  They had many of the same interests, they were affectionate and clearly, at this point in time, happy they had found each other.  Awwww....

 The other couple, they laughed a lot together.  I couldn't tell how long they had been together, but they teased and poked each other, and I could tell, they really enjoyed the fun that each brought into the relationship.  It was really heartwarming to see, that at this stage of life, they were still living it to the fullest and enjoying each other.  I think they have a lot of sex.  I don't know for sure, but I would be willing to bet money on it.  I'm definitely going to ask. 

I think of my grandmother and how sometimes she would flirt shamelessly with my husband.  I never minded, of course, but I would see the young woman in her,  that still felt young in her spirit; young enough to still want sex.   I think of myself and my own mortality these days.  When you are 30 and busy raising kids, you kind of resent sex on the nights you feel exhausted and...obligated.  At least I did.  And it got so mundane.  So routine.  I would look at the clock at 11 pm and think..."I want to catch the weather at 11:15...'it can be done..."  How sad is that?  How true is that, for couples that have been together for so long?  Why don't we take care of each other so that we have great sex, with  great enjoyment and fulfillment in each other for years to come?  Maybe it takes the second marriage, or the end of our lives to know and understand what it means to let go of societal expectations, and appreciate how wonderful life really is...and how great sex still is and can be.  (You can laugh now, but I will probably get a lot of hits on this blog today because I keep using the word sex)

 And now that  sex is in short supply for me these days, I find I miss it desperately.  (I guess I should have thought about this when I thought I wanted to watch the weather instead huh?)  And, I think about being in a relationship, because it is in such short supply.  I want what these couples seem to have found the second (or third) time around.   The key will be research.  (This is another place to insert a laugh.)  As I sat at the table with these couples, I also sat with my friend Matthew.  He and I are the perfect couple.  We laugh, we talk on a very deep and emotional level.  He is a perfect gentleman.  He listens to me, he is kind, considerate, funny, a great dancer...for he and I, we have what I think those other couples have, except for one thing...he's gay.  He is my Will and I am his Grace.  If only sex wasn't an issue...

I'm going to delve deeper into this.  I'm going to ask my new friend about her sex life and I'm going to find out how they met.  Maybe she met him online?  I'm going to find out if she feels if, at her age,  she is settled and found what she wanted all along, but it just took this many years to find it? Of course, with that generation, you never know, some things may have changed, but she might just tell me it's 'none of my damn business'.... The couple that were married on Saturday?  I wish them well.  I think they will be fine.  I think they both knew what they are getting and will be very happy.  I wonder if they have very much sex?  Maybe I am obsessed, something anyway....