Single and Sick

It's one thing to be sick and married.  I used to get a little sympathy.  When my kids were little they would tip toe into my room and see if they could fix me some toast.  I would relish the quiet, coolness of my room, while I watched TV and rested.  Living alone, it's just me and my dog.  He seems mad that I won't take him on a long walk today. And it's quiet alright.  I never thought I would be doing this.   I have pretty much been pasted to my couch today, and no one even knows I'm sick.  I had to drive to the store and buy my own soup, heat it up and tell myself "feed a cold, starve a fever".  Does anyone know what that means anyway?

There are so many 'firsts' now.  My first time being sick while I am single.  I've been hungover and single, but that's different.  I'm sick with a nasty cold and I'm feeling a little sorry for myself.  I've been feeling better about myself and not as sad, but throw a cold on me and a sleepless, feverish night alone feels really....alone.   I remind myself, I wanted this.

My first Christmas alone.  I won't be alone, alone, I will be with my parents and brother, but my kids are going to be with their dad.  They were with him for Thanksgiving too.  I tell myself it's okay, because he needs them this year to get through the holidays.  I am stronger than he is.  I won't tell my kids how much it hurts me though.  I don't want to lay that guilt on them.  It won't always be this hard, but it feels like these holidays are dragging on.  It's easy to forget it's the holiday season here where it's warm, so I don't think about it that much, but I talked with my daughter today and I miss her, and it's Christmas time, and....I'm sick.   It's just one day.  That is my mantra.

I am looking forward to my mom coming to visit me in 10 days.  We will do a little shopping and I am paying for her to have her hair done at my new hairdresser's place.  I wanted my mom to come visit me so she could see for herself that I am okay.  She worries too much about me.  I haven't called her to tell her I'm sick.  What?  You think I'm crazy?  Don't get me wrong, I know my parents are just concerned, but they forget that I am a middle aged adult that already raised their grandchildren, I'm fine, I'm just sad.  Not every day.  Just some days.   Today.  Because I'm sick and I miss my kids.  That's what mom's do.  They miss their kids and they worry about them.

You know you're sick when your eyes look funny and your nose is all red from blowing.  That's me.  I could barely drag myself off the couch to walk my dog.  I showered at 2 pm.  I kept trying to think of funny things to post on my facebook, but the best I could come up with was "Can someone please chop off my head and give it back after you drain it?"  Lame.  I didn't post it.

The Nyquil gave me a sleep hangover so my head has felt fuzzy all day.  I went from Nyquil to Dayquil and now I'm going back to Nyquil.  It's too late for Zycam.  I have tissues littering the house and my butt hurts from sitting all day.

Okay, I'm done complaining, but, I'm not used to being alone and sick.  I needed sympathy.  Deep down we are all babies that want someone to take care of us.   I can't wait for my mom to get here....

I want my mommy.

http://obnurse35yrs.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/1afree-clip-art-mothersday-gfairy003b.jpg